So I've got a bit of a dilemma on my hands reguarding my future. Part A I love Hawaii. I love the beaches. I love the hikes. I work 4 days a week at poker. Life is about as good as it gets out here. I freaking love this place. Going to Hawaii was the best decision I ever made. Part B I would find being a doctor to be greatly satisfying and fulfilling work. I think that as a profession, being a doctor would be a true expression of who I am. I love helping people, and I love solving problems, and knowing a subject inside and out. Well I guess this isn't really a dilemma, as it's choosing between two great options. rather than two bad options, but nevertheless, it's two paths that I've created for myself, and I gotta choose one. AS I see it though there is one major caveat to being a doctor: the work. I'm not talking about the long hours that doctors put in. Doctors can reach a point in their career where they can setup some kind of job where they work a very reasonable schedule. It's the work of becoming a doctor that won't be fun. We're talking 4 years of school, a lot of which is useless. Second the residency. It's more of a fraternal hazing process. Doctors figure since they had to do it eveybody else should. I guess they have a system that works, either way, one thing I learned at IBM is that I don't want to work for anybody. I don't want anybody telling me what to do ever. A lot of people might see this and think how will I ever get a real job. Well, the most successful way to make money is coming up with your own ideas. AND I'M NOT GOING TO SELL OUT TO THE FUCKING MAN, again. Goddam this blog is getting looong, and I've yet to make any kind of a freaking point. So let's re-evaluate. Spend the rest of my days in Hawaii sacrificing the ability to become a doctor. I could go to medical school in Hawaii, but then I would just be in a library in Hawaii. Or I could become a doctor sacrificing 8 years of my life, and who knows if I could find a job in Hawaii. Time for a fucking reality check with the hard truth. I'm a dreamer. I come up with an idea that really inspire me and I don't follow through with them. At some point I give up on them and wait for the next gust of wind (brain fart) to inspire me. The problem probably is that my ideas aren't really based in reality. I had an idea of what it was to be an engineer. Then after a year of working I realized that my idea was a complete fantasy. And I have to admit my idea of being a doctor is really just a fantasy. Just another brain fart. That said I was a damn good engineer, and I would be a damn good doctor. Anyways what the fuck was my point. Well here's another gem of hard truth. I decided to come to Hawaii in case I failed to get into medical school (low confidence problem). If I got a job at a hospital, to prove to medical schools that I have a good idea of what it is to be a doctor, there is no way that I would not get into medical school. Goddammit I haven't made a fucking point yet. (A lot of cursing in this blog. I'm not a big fan of cursing)